I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
