Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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