i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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