My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
