i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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