Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
