My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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