So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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