Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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