I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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