There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
