u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
