i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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