I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
