i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
