when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
