So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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