My nipple is on Facebook.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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