How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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