Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
