Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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