So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
