Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
