My friends, they love my intelligence
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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