My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
