Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
