so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.