I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He better not be in your backpack
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused