Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(604): View more from British Columbia

i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS

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(205): View more from Alabama

I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.

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(905): View more from Ontario

today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it

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(210): View more from Texas

Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.

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