You just made me feel so damn special
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is