I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position