need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just wanna soil my oats bro
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
