Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
