I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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