3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
