Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just cropdusted the office
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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