Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
