i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
