do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
