Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
