i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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