Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
