Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
