the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
