I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
