I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
