My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
