IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
