she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
