I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Couch. On fire.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
