yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
