Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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