i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can you bring me the toilet please
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
