Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
