explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
