The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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