Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
