i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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