I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
