quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
