man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
