I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
