I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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