The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
