Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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