I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
