All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
