talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize