can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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