You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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