she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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