Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
