I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
