My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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