if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
