His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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