At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
