I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
